Hello xx
Oh hello
I’m writing to say that I’m putting these emails on pause for a brief moment while I go to the South of France for a course to learn more about smells. I quit my job, bought a new skirt and am ready, thrilled to monkishly throw myself into the world of perfume. My coworkers got me Britney Spears’ perfume, Curious, as a leaving gift. They said I should wear it to stay open minded.
But before I leave you (which I know is sad but is only fleeting and conversations are as much about the gaps as they are about the words that separate them) I want to tell you about Iris’ return.
Australia has made Iris both toned and unnervingly body positive. She arrives at dinner with the components of a salad, that she prepares, again barefoot, tearing leaves, chewing on them, dropping the remainder of each bite into the bowl. We eat pasta, which I’d made. I thought it would offer comfort for Iris and also exude a charming ease. Through dinner, she grazes my shoulders, my knuckles, at one point flicks my ear. She sits like a basketball coach commanding a huddle, knees apart, shoulders hunched, elbows returning to rest on her thighs. She tells me that in Australia she was more relaxed but that she prefers the tautness of her body at home. She is happier on edge. She asks: do I want her and would I miss her and do I want her now. She says that when she arrived she hated my current perfume (a mixture of motel carpets, elevators and lily) but that now, mixed with her scent and mine, it was better, smelt like something sated or sharing a cigarette inside with a lover. I tell her that my desire felt lonely, felt private but that was what I wanted. I wanted it all for myself, with a backdrop, nagging, that it would one day be held and pressed. That my desire would be received. She smiles and says that she would like to see me again, more. I say same.
And now I’m on a bus with leftover salad, dressed, to eat later and a shell that Iris gave me that looks jurassic. I look out of the window and see fields, three cows, and a man walking away from them.
Speak soon and lots of love,
Anne